Happy birthday to me

I’m sure there are guys in Sydney who know my true age, but for those who don’t want to beat around the bush I will be turning 32 today. Hurray! Yes, you heard it correctly -“ a homosexual happy that he is getting older. Granted I have told the odd lie here and there, shaving a year or six off whenever I thought it needed doing. But we have all done it. With an influx of 18- to 20-year-olds hitting our pubs and clubs it is no wonder we find ourselves nipping and tucking our age when no one is watching.

So, 32 years and what have I done? Goodness, so much in so little time. To start with, I lost the equivalent of a small child in body weight, which is working fabulously for me at the moment. I’m kissing and feeling up boys left, right and centre. I’m not really sure there is much more to do, is there?

One goal I have always wanted was a special day named Maxi’s Day. Wouldn’t that be great? Everyone gets a day off work and all the food at Olympic Yeeros is free. You name it, from lamb cutlets to the kebabs, with as much chicken salt as your arteries can handle -“ wouldn’t it be heaven?

Oh stuff it, I declare this weekend is Maxi’s Weekend. To celebrate my birthday, everyone is allowed to have as much fun and eat as much as they like. But just for one weekend. Oh, and no gym for the weekend either -“ if we are going to do this, it may as well be done properly.

To all those readers who have come over and said they enjoy my articles and all those who have come and said how great I look, thank you from the bottom of this old man’s heart.

EYESPY Opening this Saturday at the Palace Hotel is the brand new show The Singing Budgie: The Kylie Minogue Show. The first show is at 9pm, then 10pm, starring Vanity Faire and me, and introducing Christina Dior.

Congrats to the 10 chosen for The Battle of the Bulge last Monday night. With thousands of dollars’ worth of prizes and hours of exercise at the gym, it’s no wonder the whole town is abuzz. The real game starts this Monday 9:30pm so come in and support your favourite contestant. Audience support is a major points earner for all the contestants. And I have to remind everyone, we are doing this competition to give people an opportunity to do something they may not be able to do themselves, not to fuel a stereotype that thin is better.