Happy New Year!

My god it’s 2005. That makes me how many years old? Like everyone says, wine just get better with age. Or is that cheese gets smellier with age? Shit I don’t know. Well, it is time to get the same old resolutions out and dust them off. Usually mine last for about 30 minutes but I have a feeling this year could be different. Maybe a whole week, but I don’t want to set anything in stone.

1. Get a boyfriend. This one is not really for myself but is more as revenge towards my friends. For the last 10 years I have had to listen to, He didn’t call me, He just looked at someone else, and my favourite, His phone is off, he must be cheating! I am going to torture them and it’s going to be great. But this resolution is a long way off and I will update you if anything comes up.

2. Lose 20kg. I am talking about 20kg of old costumes I have lying around the house. I think it is time to visit St Vincent de Paul again with a little care package. Last time I dropped off three bags full of old costumes, within a week I started to see quite a few hookers out and about in sequin numbers that looked very familiar. Good on you girls.

3. I will clean my house more! I have spoken about this numerous times and the more I talk about it, the more I really want to do it. But always I find that something better comes along and I’m off. My house has been described many different ways. That it’s like a workshop, has been stirred with a stick, a bomb has gone off in it and -“ how can I forget -“ it’s where Mardi Gras finishes. I have toyed with the idea of getting hypnotised and getting them to suggest I be tidier. I’m a wo-man on the edge. I will try anything! Maybe I should buy a vacuum first?

4. Make more friends. I am really very lucky to be doing something that I love for a job. Not many people are able to say they enjoy going to work every day and get paid for it. This year I will make an extra effort to actually meet at least two new people a day. And here comes the hard bit, I will try to actually remember their names aren’t Darl or Sexy.

Well there you go, for all and sundry to see. Am I going to do it? Who knows? But like the Shithouse files, the can of worms has been opened, so there’s no turning back now.

I hope all of my readers have a fabulous 2005. Remember to save your money as Mardi Gras will be here very soon. And Cher isn’t performing there, or is she? Who knows!