My doctor says his Darlinghurst patients should never be put into the pool of the -˜Australian medical norm’. The average patient doesn’t meet any of the criteria for -˜risk factors in Australian’s over 45′ for heart disease, diabetes or stroke.
Gay patients are buff and trim, and many don’t smoke or drink to excess. Partying -“ well that’s a different story.
With age comes inner beauty. I know this because it is all I have left. This is not because I am stereotypically shallow, but because I now have to use -˜thickening products’.
My stereotypical readers will have just wet themselves and broadcast this to their Facebook, Manhunt and Twitter worlds. I have to think carefully before applying product -“ to my hair -“ to ensure that the flexibility of the substance is capable of spanning the 20mm gap between the last few remaining strands.
It really is time to hang up the trowel -“ if one listens to the stereotypical aging peer group. My knees are gammy, my skin gets dry from Chlorinated water, my eyes are attracting creases from being out in the sun.
After almost 10 years involvement with Sydney gay sport we approach a -˜first.’ Our aging flagship Mardi Gras now acknowledges that sports bodies are great bodies, branding October’s Sleaze Ball Game On.  I am hoping that means there will be lots of same-sex dancing among the rugby players and the Flying Bats soccer club members.
If the guys from Dance-Dance can swing a few salsa or modern lessons beforehand, it could actually be fun. Our a martial arts club could provide a themed backdrop for a King of Pop-style show for those who may have inadvertently been given party enhancing substances.
I am beginning to see possibilities; beach volleyballers, swimmers and life-savers could all come in their weekday costumes. For once the major expense is the ticket not the outfit. Runners in tights, baseballers with bats, netballers and basketballers with big balls, tennis players with small balls. Soccer players kicking any balls they see that are not knocked over by the ten pin or lawn bowlers in their whites.
I will be left out in the cold again; the participants too young and gorgeous; my partner, my work and my sporting commitments getting in the way.
But don’t assume I am the one missing out: no hangover, no eccy Tuesday, no 15 percent uncontrolled fluid loss in a single night.
When the all night game is over, the real game starts the following afternoon with volleyball training.
info: Click for a club. teamsydney.org.au

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