It’s happened again! Yet another married friend, this time, David*, has had his sexuality ignored by his urologist following a diagnosis for prostate issues. In his early seventies, he has no sex life with his wife, but he has had a secret active bisexual life.
He told me that his specialist said words to the effect that after the medical intervention, David would not ejaculate externally, adding that at his age, it obviously wouldn’t be an issue. In effect, he was telling him that his sexual days were behind him.
Seemingly, David’s urologist saw him as (1) a straight man simply because he has a wife and (2) non-sexual simply because he had passed sixty years. Assumptions kicked in, with no opportunity or encouragement to discuss the matter further, let alone his bisexuality.
Gay men usually make sure that the conversation about their future sex life is well understood. But many bisexual men see little choice but to accept the prognosis and keep quiet or admit their sexual interest in men, thus beginning a potential chain of uncomfortable scenarios.
Naturally, my friend is annoyed and angry at such assumptions, the insensitivity of the presumptions, and the total lack of psychological support offered. As he said, this is a radical life change that he is left processing by himself.
Sensitive Discussion is Needed
As has been done with nursing home staff, there now needs to be a campaign to re-educate blinkered urologists about bisexual and gay sexual diversity.
Post-operatively David is back playing sexually, but now as a total bottom. He is still having difficulty adjusting to not seeing his ejaculate and is still acutely aware of the insensitive attitude that altered his sexuality without discussion. That wound is taking much longer to heal!