Gay Men Explain Why They Choose To Be In Open Relationships

Queer relationships come in many different configurations. They can be monogamous, monogamish, polyamorous, open, etc. We get to create what works best for us. 

Recently, the question of open relationships was asked by a curious Redditor.

‘Why would you want to be in an open relationship?’

Explaining their question was not rhetorical and that they genuinely wanted to learn, they wrote, “I never understood why someone would want to sleep with another person than the person they are dating. I’m married and I believe that my husband is the most beautiful person and we just click like a puzzle piece. 

“Why would I want to sleep with someone I find less attractive and less fun than my husband? What reason would someone want to sleep with another person other than the one they are dating? If you find someone more attractive or nicer, or both why wouldn’t you just break up to be with the other person? 

Many responded with posts about their own open relationships showing there are a variety of reasons people choose to be open.

‘It’s Not For Everyone’

“First off, it’s not for everyone,” one user stressed. “Some people are capable of having loving, intimate relationships with more than one person, even if their partner is their priority in life.”

“I have several partners I’ve known long before I met my bf who I care about very much even though they’re incompatible in a relationship sense. These are people I have a nice sexual connection with but whom I also just like as friends. I’m not interested in pursuing anything more with them, we’re just buddies who support each other, go out to lunch together, and, yes, sometimes have sex together,” he said.

Another Redditor responded that in a relationship, sometimes “you have different sexual needs and wants.”

They explained, “For example, I tend to have a low sex drive. When I’m with someone with a high sex drive, I want them to go out and find guys rather than hoping I can be useful when I’m not.”

‘Sex is Tertiary’

A third wrote, “I couldn’t be satisfied in a relationship if I couldn’t have my kinky fun with him and he didn’t let me find someone that I can with. I’m not gonna force him into it, think that would be a dumb thing to not get into or end a relationship over if everything else is perfect, and just don’t see the big deal in having that kind of fun with someone else… You don’t have to have the exact same interests and do everything with your partner and shouldn’t forbid him to do something if you don’t want to yourself but he really does.”

Another explained, “Sex is tertiary in our relationship …We started out this way and early on we agreed that we wanted to share our life but we didn’t want to deprive ourselves of the best life experiences possible. We acknowledged that neither of us fully encapsulate all the needs and wants that we want of sexual partners – we’re both only ourselves.”