Ghosting – Why Do People Do It?
Image: Image: Unsplash
Have you ever been ghosted? No, I’m not talking about a sweaty, gritty session of lovemaking next to a pottery wheel to the strains of Unchained Melody or a conversation with a demonic form three feet above their bed covers (there is no Dana, only Zuul) – I’m talking about one of the more recently coined terms to describe when someone you’ve been forming a relationship with, romantic or otherwise, suddenly (or gradually) removes themselves completely from your life – ghosting.
And while the term ‘ghosting’ is a fairly recent addition to our vernacular, appearing about the same time as social media and our digital addictions, the practice has probably been around for as long as humans have been.
‘Friends’ Talked About Ghosting in the Early 2000s
A relatively recent example from before our digital obsession, ‘Friends’ touched on the subject when eternal pop culture sensation, Jennifer Coolidge guest starred and Monica and Phoebe discuss how to ‘cut out’ their recently returned acquaintance due to her objectionable behaviour.
When Monica asks Chandler if he’s ever done that to anyone, he replies “Nope, had it done to me though. Feels Good.” Behold, the early 2000s version of Ghosting.
Live footage of me showing my friends the latest Tiktok dance I learned 😅 #friends #JenniferCoolidge pic.twitter.com/mSxxgLzDJx
— Rock On Ruby (@RockonrubyLtd) June 12, 2021
Anyone who has had this unpleasant experience happen to them can attest to the fact that it does not. Feel. Good.
And why do people do this to each other? Is it a lack of character or maturity to actually tell someone that you are no longer interested in investing in a relationship with them and that it would be better for everyone if you went your seperate ways?
Or is there something more sinister happening?
There are certainly some people out there who just like to cause pain to other people and want to watch the world burn and the act of ghosting someone by cutting them out of their life without any notice to the other person, allows them to revel in the pain and confusion of that person as they try to come to terms with the sudden withdrawal of contact.
Just one of those peculiar human traits, though if you yourself have enough battle armour on to weather that storm, you should console yourself with the fact you dodged a bullet because this obviously immature person decided to let you go – there is a chance to salvage your ego and mental health if you can look at the experience through the positive lens that you escaped!
ghosting is the choice of no longer investing time into getting to know someone or whatever relationship you’ve formed with them. take grindr as the most obvious platform you’re likely to be ghosted on. it’s to hook up. quickly and efficiently (allegedly). once you’ve determined you’re no longer interested in the person, who is the judge of when you should be giving an explanation? guess you’ve gotta go with what’s reasonable; would it be reasonable to behave that way and how would you like to be treated. if you’d be ok being ghosted, you’re probably going to ghost others. that or do as i do and always treat others as best to can using a template to copy, paste, reply with. actually works really well and 99% of the time people appreciate knowing where they stand. plus, you never know where you could bump into them. that said, i can empathise with not even doing that of your encounters are very brief and the relationship built minimal.