The Internet’s Queen of TMI came out as gay last week. Nadia Bokody had openly talked about her carnal life and sexual empowerment for almost a decade until she decided to open up about being gay and her struggle to come to terms with her sexual orientation.

“I know this is going to be incredibly hard for some people to understand. After all, I’ve spent most of my career writing about having sex with men! However, a huge amount of self reflection, loads of therapy and exploring my sexuality through dating women helped me come to a realisation that had been brewing inside me for many years, and that is that I am gay,” Nadia said.

 

 

“I’ve kissed women. I’ve been on the odd date with women. I’ve had sex with women. But, I guess this is showing the shame I had…I would never tell anyone about these encounters. Which is ironic because I share everything about my sex life. My entire sex life is on the internet,” reflected Nadia.

‘I thought that there was something wrong with me’

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“I know this is going to be hard for a lot of you to understand- I have spent so much of my career writing about having sex with men and talking about it, making videos about giving head, you know?”

But Nadia explained that it all stemmed from her unhealthy relationship with her father and little to no media representation of the gay community.

Growing up in a Catholic household had convinced her that her goal was to find a man who would love and marry her. This led her to feel repulsed at her feelings for women.

“When I started having sexual or romantic feelings towards women, I thought that there was something wrong with me. Or that I was a pervert or something…I also had a lot of sex I dissociated from. But I felt compelled to keep up an image of a sex-loving girl who was totally boy crazy in my work over the years for fear I’d look like a fraud if I changed course,” she said.

 

 

Coming Out Is Daunting

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Talking about sexcapades on the internet takes courage, but coming out as gay after years of affirming to a certain sexual orientation can be even more daunting. Nadia was in a monogamous relationship with her boyfriend Kai until they decided to explore with other women. However, neither of them perceived relationships between women to be legitimate like relationships between men and women.

“When I was going on dates with women, even though I was telling myself it was just because I was sexually attracted to them and we were just going to hook up, I found myself feeling more…I found myself imagining what a future would be like with a woman. I never let myself imagine that before,” she admitted.

Nadia is Australia’s Carrie Bradshaw who talks and writes about her sex life and sexual experiences. Carrie Bradshaw, the fictional columnist for The New York Star, used to write and search for the kind of love that is real: “ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other-love.” 

After years of unfulfilling, hollow relationships, Nadia too is perhaps ready for that kind of love and a future with a woman.

 

 

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