Fifty-two years of love and devotion
“It was a little wave that pulled us together — we held on and never looked back,” John Goosen, 85, said, describing the moment he fell in love with partner John Smith, 71, during an evening swim at a NSW south coast beach in 1959.
In a testament to the commitment that is possible in same-sex relationships, the two Johns, who today live on Sydney’s Northern Beaches, are this year celebrating 52 years together.
Both Dutch migrants from sizable families, when asked how many nieces and nephews they have between them, Goosen, who is about to become a great-grandfather, laughed.
“I think we are up to 50 but have lost count,” he said.
During World War II, Goosen spent five years fighting the Japanese in Malaysia and Indonesia. He migrated to Australia after the war and was soon married with four children.
“Gays had to marry because there was no other option,” he said.
Goosen and Smith first met at Dutch clog-dancing classes in Sydney in the mid-1950s and clicked instantly but it took time for the romance to blossom.
As Goosen’s wife Cathleen began to spend more time at home with the children, the two Johns began to meet regularly for dinner and would go on weekends away, often sleeping in the back of Smith’s converted Morris Major panel van.
It was during these weekends that Goosen said his love for Smith developed and his love for Cathleen began to become more of a friendship.
The two Johns have never lived together but they rarely spend a day apart and both live active lives which would put many younger people to shame. The couple swim every day and Smith goes to the gym three times a week. They have been
Metropolitan Community Church regulars for 25 years, where Goosen often takes to the dancefloor, walking stick and partner on hand!
The couple often visit Oxford St to indulge in their love of Indian food and to enjoy a “good perve”.
Their most memorable moment together was watching the first Sydney Mardi Gras in 1978 and they still feel angry at the police crackdown that occurred.
Smith said the secret to the success of their relationship was a simple one.
“We have always enjoyed similar interests such as cooking and traveling but I think the key is our tolerance for one another,” Smith said.
Describing themselves as disappointed ALP supporters, the two Johns are avid supporters of same-sex marriage and are confused by atheist Prime Minister Julia Gillard’s stance on the issue, which they said seemed straight out of the Bible.
But the two Johns said that for their own relationship, getting married would make little difference after so long.
By JEREMY MASPERO
I disagree that there is any pressure on homosexuals to marry – this argument, often cited by the anti-same-sex-marriage movement within the gay community, seems to stem from a fear that all gay people will somehow be forced to marry when same sex marriage is legal. All the marriage equality policy I see expresses the ideal of giving gay people as many options as everyone else, including the option to NOT marry. Nothing homonormative about it. Under full marriage equality Cactus can remain happily unwed … if a guy ever asks you to marry him David, just say no!
“Gays had to marry because there was no other option,” says John Goosen.
Well, I’m 72 and have been homosexual since at least my early teens and I don’t recall any pressure to marry when I was younger. To say “there was no other option” is simply incorrect. The option not to marry has always existed, for homosexuals and the homosexually challenged alike.
There is certainly pressure now for homosexuals to marry. I suggest that this pressure, coming from the homonormative pro-marriage lobby, is greater than any pressure on heterosexuals to marry.
I am disappointed by the statement that “(When) Goosen’s wife Cathleen began to spend more time at home with the children, the two Johns began to meet regularly for dinner and would go on weekends away . . .”. To me it seems patronising and suggests misogyny. Was there also no option to fathering and raising children?
Thanks for the reply, editor. Of course I apologise for my lack of trust. I’ll re-submit it now under my name.
Thanks, David.
I submitted a comment on this article two days ago, using the pseudonym ‘cactus’. It has not yet appeared in the comments section. It was critical of some of the remarks quoted in the article. Though it appears to be the case, I hope I haven’t been censored by The Sydney Star Observer (our community ‘voice’).
The GLBTIQ community is right to be proud of its diversity and its history of freedom of expression of divergent views. I believe that one of the Star’s roles, as a community voice and journal of record, is the encouragement of critical discussion. Without critical discussion we risk becoming a monoculture, which is not healthy.
Ed: David, a quick check shows you have only previously posted comments on 09/02/11 and 16/02/11. Both times under the name Cactus. We suggest you resubmit.
May the voices of all our elders be heard loud and clear in all their diversity. There is nothing as powerful as elders speaking for themselves.
And may all our endeavours as a community be aimed at making sure of this, and that they are an integral part of all the decisions made about how we ensure their safety and freedom from discrimination.
Those of us who are not yet elders need to be facilitators and advocates who make sure that elders who are brave and can speak out are having their voices heard loud and clear. ‘Nothing About Us Without Us’.
Dr Jo Harrison
Well done. Many more happy years to both of you. xxxcorealxxx
Beautiful experience of a bitter-sweet ending. However I do like to point out that often we mistaken “tolerance” in relationship with “compromise/sacrifice”. Great write up!
That’s just gorgeous :)
what a lovely story.