So I was chatting to my dear friend Karl, who has been dating his partner Jarrod for quite some time now.
All is going well except for the fact that Jarrod wants to be with Karl all the time. I asked why this was a bad thing, to which Karl responded that it’s not just all the time but all the time.
He wants to be there for anything and everything. Going to the shop for milk, present at all Karl’s parties and functions and he even drops him off to work daily. He’s harmless and isn’t doing it consciously -“ it’s just that he does love him so much that wants to spend as much time together as possible.
I had to tell Karl that Jarrod is a classic smotherer.
In the relationship dictionary a smotherer is described as someone who doesn’t understand that time apart is healthy for the relationship. They want all the time to be spent as a couple, with no time apart, thus smothering the other party.
I’m sure we know or have met one of these people. It’s not that they’re scared of being alone -” it’s that they think couples have to spend all their time in each other’s company. They may have been single or unhappy in past relationships and they’re lapping it up in this one. Good for them, bad for the smotheree.
If you are involved with a smotherer you have to tell them in a nice way to back off. The more they smother, the more you will pull away and it will break your relationship over time. The sooner you do it, the better it will be.
Alone time is good and necessary. You need to have alone time to do things that you want to do independently. There isn’t a rule that all couples have to be together at all times and a smotherer needs to be told as soon as the symptoms begin to show.
Relationships are based on two people who like each other and grow together over a period of time.It’s nice to have someone who cares for you. It’s nice to have someone who wants to spend all their time interrupting your alone time. But, as Pink said, go away give me a chance to miss you.
Amen, sister, amen.