“Have animals ever interrupted your love-making?” I asked, broaching a seemingly taboo subject.

My question followed an experience I had where a large mature greyhound observed that his master was seemingly having too much fun in bed and decided to join us. He was a strong animal – and enthusiastic. If he had been searching for truffles, his eagerness and inquisitiveness could not have been more participatory!

Somewhat hesitatingly, other friends slowly opened up with their stories.

There was the leaping-pussy-of-Preston West. “Who knew that the family cat was observing us from the top of the wardrobe in the bedroom and would jump and land with a thud beside us (yes, he was a very well-fed cat). What decided on his timing to be that exact moment when activities were moving towards a happy ending is anybody’s guess!”

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 And from Robert “he looked back to see a grey and white cat patting his hangers and making them swing back and forward. Dreading a sharp claw could be next, he leaped out of bed with both cat and Robert staring in astonishment.”

Jim told me about “Our very first German Shepherd dog used to get very excited if we were getting into it. She used to jump up on the bed and jump around squealing. The noise was so loud we thought the neighbours would know how often we did it.”

Snakes were another common response. “At the nude beach the bull-ants decided we were in their direct line to their food source and then during the action, a snake slithered not a metre away through the undergrowth.” There was my own experience with a Grindr host who kept a pet tropical snake and was all too eager to share him with snake-phobic me. Don’t forget spiders – big, hairy, and saucer-size. Frank told me about the time when the host’s bedcovers were pulled back and there in the warmth of the bed was a huge hand-size spider. “It’s just Herbert,“ his host confided. “I was wondering where he was.” Frank’s advice: beware if you visit guys who live near bushland. Warm, dark, untidy bedrooms are also ideal as potential spider habitat.

By comparison, these stories make sauna visits seem so tame, where the only wildlife you’ll encounter is a randy bear or a lurking crab. But at least it’s where I can shut the door and keep away curious livestock!

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