To open or to close

To open or to close a relationship can often be an integral part in the development of a relationship in the LGBTI community while also being a source of passionate debate.

Some people stand in their corner vehemently defending their position. Yet others wander somewhere in the middle having perhaps tried both relationship types to varying degrees of
satisfaction.

While this is an issue that the LGBTI community has fought over, negotiated about and stood behind for many decades, it has also been a question that researchers have been looking at since the 1970s.

Early research into the relative satisfaction of open versus closed relationships found open relationships were associated with dissatisfaction, tension and less couple intimacy. However, subsequent research results found no difference in satisfaction between these relationship types for gay couples and indeed suggested that open relationships might better support longevity of the relationship.

More recently, studies are consistently finding few differences between open and closed relationships in factors such as intimacy, satisfaction and commitment.

One thing that seemed clear from all these studies was the importance of rules, boundaries and agreements. For those in a closed relationship, the rule is monogamy.

Those in more open relationships may have a variety of agreements that dictate the ways in which each partner may have sex outside the primary relationship. The more explicit the rules the more satisfying the relationships — that is, be specific.

Furthermore, researched indicated that whether in a closed or open relationship, breaking the rules was related to distress.

Recently Dr Warwick Hosking from Victoria University sought to perform the first study to look at the satisfaction in closed, open and what has been dubbed “monogamish” (sex outside the relationship is only OK if both partners are involved) relationships in the Australian setting. He looked at three main variables — intimacy, passion and trust.

His results showed all relationship types were similar in their satisfaction with intimacy and commitment but there was less passion reported in open relationships. Some explanations for this included the notion that opening up a relationship might be a result of waning passion or that opening the relationship decreased motivation to maintain passion with the primary partner.

However, theory suggests passion is the least important of the three factors addressed and passion diminishes naturally over time in a relationship. His study also confirmed that breaking the rules in any of these relationship types causes distress.

Thus the moral of the story is, whether open or closed, stick to the rules.

To hear an interview with Dr Hosking tune in to the Well, Well, Well show on JOY 94.9 Thursday, June 14 at 8pm.

By GRANT O’SULLIVAN