“Dear Fluffy,

“Even though I love your furry black-and-white face, the cute little pink pads on your feet and even your Darth Vader purry noise, I’m at a point in my life where I’m too caught up with career, holiday plans and which bar to drink at to be a decent parent. I’m sorry.

“Yours truly, Mon”

My gf and I recently fulfilled our lesbian destiny by taking on a cat. Soon after moving in together we agreed to look after our friends’ furry child while they were overseas. As a dog person, I was initially opposed to the idea, but when the puss showed off her epic wrestling skills and pinned me with her paws I was smitten.

Maybe now I have a deeper understanding of why we queers are so pet-obsessed. There are no pesky turkey-basters or archaic laws to worry about — and they offer sweet unconditional love in a world that has more than its fair share of bigotry, intolerance and, well, conditions.

You never have to explain yourself to a dog or cat (even though we frequently talk at them). They don’t judge you and they’re certainly not going to get beaten up by other animals down the park for having two mums.

But even better, how cool is it to have a cute furry thing you can style in your own image? Matching bow ties — huzzah! A good reason why dog shows are the most treasured events at gay festivals around the world?

Sometimes we queers are so attached to our litters we stay in unhealthy relationships much longer than we should “for the sake of the kids”. And don’t even mention the ferocious custody battles should the parents break up.

So back to the note. After much deliberation, Fluffy’s real mums have decided to stay overseas and asked my partner and I if we’d like to be her full-time foster mums. While we were honoured they’d entrust us to care for their little one, after much consideration, we sadly had to decline.

One day I’d love to have a munchkin to take on adventures, to teach cool stuff to and to share with them all the things I love about this world — but right now, I’m just not ready to be a mum. And somehow I have to break it to the cat.


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