Knuckles, Skid, Danger, Shifty, Chop Chop and Nasty Nugget – these are just some of the names of the badass chicks on my dodgeball team, Dodger Federer. It’s not a “lesbian” dodgeball team as such, but 80% of the players are girls who wear comfortable shoes on and off the court if you know what I mean.
The queer ladies among us totally rock at this game, which isn’t a surprise considering dodging balls is a sport lesbians have been perfecting
If you’re unfamiliar with dodgeball, two teams of six run around and chuck squishy balls at each other in an attempt to knock the other team out. If you hit a player on the full, they’re a goner, unless they catch it, in which case you’re out, and the other team can bring a player who previously went out back on court. Understood?
And you repeat this until a whole team is wiped out.
For a team of mainly lesbians, we sure do talk about balls a lot. In a controversial move, the competition introduced larger balls this season which are harder to grip, and put us at a disadvantage against some of the mostly male teams who have bigger hands than us. When one of our team members declared she preferred small balls, she couldn’t quite believe those words had come out of her mouth.
We may have little hands, but our team plays hard. So hard that we seem to lose a player to injury each week. Lesbians take sport seriously, people. Personalised team t-shirts included.
But we still play nice, so much so that we’ve won ‘Best and Fairest’ team for two out of our three games this season. The prize? Free jugs at the local. Yep free jugs. Oh the lols.
Because it’s a mixed competition, every team has to have at least two girls on court at a time. This isn’t a problem for us, but some of the bro-heavy teams struggle to fill their estrogen quota each week.
Last week we generously donated some of our players to a team of guys. One of the guys thought he was being funny when he said they didn’t have any chicks on their team because they were gay, to which one of our girls replied, why do you think we have so many? The dude didn’t say much after that.
But really, the competition is pretty gay. Each week a stereo pumps out high energy party tunes which is like playing dodgeball at an Oxford Street nightclub. And the post-game pub is The Vic On The Park, a lesbian haunt from way back.
Best of all the competition happens on a Wednesday – lesbian night in Sydney. So if we ever feel the need to kick, or dodge on, afterwards, there are plenty of other sporty lesbians out and about to play with.