There comes a time in our lives that we have to make decisions we’re not certain about. At the moment I am going through the ‘To Date or To Shag’, which has me confused no end.

There are benefits to doing both straightaway. ‘To Shag’ is self-explanatory. You may have one or two nights rolling in the hay, with lightning flashing around the bedroom, but does it last? I know some boyfriends who have lasted for years after one night of hot passion. But with many of us, as soon as the awkward goodbye is exchanged, both ships have sailed.

Sometimes a friendship blossoms from the situation but most of the time a courtesy smile across the bar then 30 minutes of whispering to your friends is all you get.

Can you build your life on just these moments of passion?

‘To Date’ is a much different story. I love to date boys.

I try to make each date different and exciting, trying to do something we haven’t done before (outside of the bedroom). The accidental/ purposeful touch of a hand or leg that seems to send electricity through your body, being able to look them in the eyes as they talk to you. Learning they can’t eat nuts, or you both don’t eat fish unless it’s from Bondi and served with a side of chips.

Working in the industry I do, these experiences seem to be what I’m searching for, but the roll in the hay at some point is a part of it also.

The ‘To Date’ sometimes backfires. It seems I get the same or a similar speech, usually at the end of a meal.
“I have had so much fun with you, I’ve never laughed so much as I do with you. But I think I just want to be friends.”

Is there a line you have to watch out for? I thought the point of getting to know someone was to laugh and have fun. When does it start to become more friends than anything else?

Ultimately you are attracted to the person, so would it have been better to just shag?

And if I really like the guy, I have to walk away at this stage. To sit with your ‘new’ friend as be recounts fabulous encounters with others can be too much to handle. And once again you are labelled the ‘funny friend’.

As inviting as the shag sounds, I think I’m going to still go with the date for a little longer. I have faith that one day our gay boys will see that slow and steady really does win the race. And you can be assured the race will be a lot more fun.

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