The bigot wears beige

The bigot wears beige

“Sorry Damien, your application was unsuccessful.” These words, sent by text message, are indelibly etched in the nether regions of my brain. A blunt reminder of the metaphor many of us carry through our lives. In the eyes of many, we’re still secon

d class citizens.

The successful applicant submitted a stronger application, they assured me. The successful applicant no doubt also submitted a less gay application.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not one of these jaded nit-pickers who go in search of injustice. You know, the store assistant suggests the pink shirt, because, of course that’s what all gay men wear. No, I don’t walk around with a chip on my shoulder, afflicted by a chronic persecution complex. But when it hits you that you have, in fact, been discriminated against, it’s a bitter pill to swallow.

I once lost a job to homophobia. That was particularly hard. It was a high-end corporate gig for a notoriously starchy legal firm. They couldn’t fault my work. I was told it was a case of ‘team fit’. Yep, the vernacular bigots come up with to disguise prejudice is laughable. I guess I didn’t really want to work in that beige 1970’s office anyway.

Then other times, it’s the little things, right?

It’s not receiving an invite to a function. It’s the pharmacist calling a transgender woman, ‘sir’. It’s the awkward silence when you speak up in a group. It’s those clichéd misapprehensions that come with a supercilious smirk – gay men are weak and need to ‘man-up’, lesbians sport tank-tops and bad haircuts. It’s those bloody buses of tourists stopping outside our venues to ‘see the freaks’.

Adversity may make us stronger, but it still sucks.

It’s not being able to take your partner to the school dance, as was recently the case for 16-year-old Hannah Williams. And it’s not being allowed to marry the person we love.

It’s the desecration of respect.

If only the culprits of this insidious brand of discrimination realised the sheer gumption it often takes to grapple our way through a typical day. If only the culprits knew the pain we often carry within. If only they walked a mile in our shoes. Yes, the devil may wear Prada, but the bigot wears something that’ll never be in fashion – an ugly soul.

And no one can pull that look off.

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3 responses to “The bigot wears beige”

  1. Hi Peter

    After re reading my post I do admit it was unfair of me to make such a harsh judgment, I do apologise for that.

  2. Asquith – your story is very sad, no one should have to go through such overt discrimination in either the workplace or indeed in society.

    However I do take issue with your final paragraph, please do not make the same mistake that your previous employer did about the minorities in your ex-workplace by making generalisations about how us “older gay people are…”

    Trust me not all of us are “screwed up, angry, and have drug and sex addictions.”

    I hope your new job is a much happier environment for you and you let some of that anger go.

  3. I worked for a conservative council for years, my Team leader would praise the staff who sat closest to her desk these staff where white background, straight and heavily into football and jokes about various sports people in history.

    All Asians, gays (I am of white myself), lebs and “others” sat the furthest away from her desk (no word of a lie) and it was ALWAYS these people who where the most competent and hardest workers of the team.

    One main thing she would do was make tasteless remarks about gays and their history during MG times very openly within the staff room, my working relationship with her was horrible, when I finally complained about her, management sent me to a staff counsellor who told me my “personality profile” suggests that I find it difficult to adapt to the workplace culture and gave me a lecture on basic communication strategies that I can use to get along with my team leader.

    After this her behaviour got worse and the job just became hell. When I left she told me that she was sad because there was no one here left to wave a rainbow flag (they were very taken back when I told them I was gay at the start which should’ve motivated me to leave sooner)

    I’m still very angry about my experience and I wish I could post what council I’m talking about here, people always say to move on but forgetting about them is not the best approach – fighting against them is and that’s something I’m taking on board at my current workplace.

    Everyone always complains on how older gay people are screwed up, angry and have drug or sex addictions, I’m in my late twenties and I can really understand why they are the way they are..all those times spent on fighting and feeling on the outside etc… depending on how strong we are inside we will just end up like that.