Tragic city

I’m a born, bred, and ridiculously proud Sydneysider, but several recent incidents have led me to believe that this city, which I love with a fierce devotion, is actually chock-full of NERDS.

This opinion started forming a few weeks back, when several hundred thousand locals flocked to the harbour to see the comings and goings of two big boats, and then stayed around to ooh and aah over fireworks. As if this sheep-like behaviour wasn’t bad enough, some locals then had the temerity to blame the government for the long time it took them to get home afterwards, because all the other sheep were going home at the same time. I found myself yelling at the TV, asking what was wrong with these people.

The next incident to dampen my belief in Sydneysiders happened last week, when mobs of slappers invaded Target stores on the day that Stella McCartney’s el cheapo diffusion line went on sale. I know these scenes happened in Melbourne as well, so it’s not as though they can look down on us with any kind of smugness, but I found the scenes to be acutely embarrassing. How many of these scrags would even know what couture Stella McCartney design looked like? And did none of them stop to think what they were looking like, actually running into Tarzhay and scrapping over Stella’s threads? Not very cool, ladies!

Then came the nail in the coffin: last Sunday’s celebrations for the 75th birthday of the Sydney Harbour Bridge. Some 200,000 locals actually went to the trouble of registering their desire to do the walk, seemingly oblivious to the fact that this is something you can do every single day of the year. The TV news was crammed with pictures of these village idiots locals, grinning fit to burst and carrying on like it was Christmas.

Again I ask: what is wrong with these people? This is Sydney! A supposedly cosmopolitan, groovy, interesting city! A city that gave birth to Mardi Gras, and multiculturalism, and some really decent bands!

I shake my head in wonder at the lame level to which we’ve stooped. I only hope that we don’t stoop further and vote in some nerd like Peter Debnam at this weekend’s elections.

If that happens, I’m finding myself a new city.