Colton Haynes was a series regular and fan favourite on the MTV drama series “Teen Wolf” for two seasons. While his character was canonically queer in the show, the actor revealed in his new memoir, “Miss Memory Lane”,  that he almost didn’t get the role because of a topless photoshoot he did for gay magazine XY as a teenager. 

Trigger Warning: This story discusses child sexual abuse and suicide attempt, which might be distressing to some readers. For 24 hour crisis support and suicide prevention call Lifeline on 13 11 14. For Australia-wide LGBTQI peer support call QLife on 1800 184 527 or webchat.

“Miss Memory Lane” is a memoir that is a candid reflection on the actor’s life, and speaks on addiction, lust, abuse, and redemption.

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Though he was out gay as a teenager, Haynes writes in his memoir that his team advised him not to come out and forced him back into the closet in the career transition from model to actor. 

Topless Photo In Gay Magazine Worried MTV Bosses

 

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Once he had booked the role of Jackson Whittemore on the supernatural drama tv series, his manager warned him to “stay in character both on and off set.” 

“It didn’t matter who was on my team, the message I got was always the same: You will not work if you are yourself,” he writes. 

Colton Haynes Was Told He Is ‘Too Gay’ For Hollywood

In his memoir, he quoted his manager who said, “Look what almost happened, Colton. The head of MTV almost didn’t hire you because of that XY photo shoot we’ve been working our asses off to extinguish.” The showrunner, Jeff Davis, fought for Haynes to keep his role and he added that he was grateful for the opportunity. 

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In June last year, Haynes uploaded a photo from the XY shoot with a message about celebrating his queerness. Part of his caption reads, “Being gay is worth celebrating. I wish I’d figured it out sooner, but I’m so glad I know it now. To everyone in the LGBTQIA+ community, I hope you celebrate yourselves this month & always, exactly as you are.

Memoir Delves Into Dark Places

 

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Haynes memoir speaks about his experience being sexually abused as a child by his uncle and being groomed by a 42-year-old cop when he was 14, which left him believing that his worth was defined by his appearance. 

“Doing things like that, sex things, was going to give me that sensation again, the feeling of being desired, the feeling of getting someone else’s attention,” he writes. These relationships also caused turmoil within his sense of self, where he struggled to balance the public perception of himself against his own self-ascribed images. 

Colton Haynes came out publicly as gay in an interview with Entertainment Weekly in 2016 and has since shed light on his troubles with marriage, divorce and the struggles that followed his coming out including a suicide attempt that resulted in him receiving psychiatric treatment at a ward. 

Haynes’ dedication in “Miss Memory Lane” states, “To all the queer kids who long for love and attention, to the ones who’d break their own arm if only to have somebody to sign their cast, know that you are deserving of love without pain.”

 

 

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