Abbie Chatfield On Loving Men, Dismantling The Manosphere, And Being A Quiet Bi-con

When Abbie Chatfield announced a national tour titled Abbie Chatfield Loves Men, it no doubt ruffled some manly feathers.

It’s a gag, of course — she follows it with an asterisked ‘*Not all men’ — but the sentiment of that title is actually sincere.

Abbie has become one of Australia’s loudest feminist voices, never shying away from conversations about misogyny, relationships, politics and identity. But her new live show takes aim at the manosphere with plenty of laughs, and a very necessary conversation.

As she puts it, the men yelling about a loneliness epidemic aren’t necessarily wrong – they’re just being sold the wrong solution.

“Men are kicking and screaming right now [that] they’re in a crisis,” she tells Star Observer. “What is true is that men do feel they are lonely… but I believe it’s the messaging from the manosphere, from other men that are telling them that they are inherently worthless.”

Announcing the show, Abbie wrote that “patriarchy harms men, and the cure to that harm is feminism, not MORE patriarchy.”

Right now, influencers promising to teach men how to become “alphas” continue to rack up millions of views. Abbie explains she has spent months disappearing down these horrifying online rabbit-holes while researching the show. What surprised her wasn’t necessarily the misogyny (she expected that bit, of course) – it was the profit.

“I realised this is a financial ecosystem that is creating more and more lonely, sad men,” she says. “It’s so insidious and manipulative… it would be very hard to get out of.”

Rather than trying to debate people operating in bad faith, she’s taking a different approach.

“I think the best solution is to just laugh at them and point out how ridiculous all of this is; try and strip them of their power.”

“[It’s] not because ‘men suffering’ is funny. What I find funny is what these men in the manosphere are trying to do. It’s funny how obviously contradictory and ironic all the messaging is.”

Abbie insists she’s not interested in being a culture war figure. She just wants to make people laugh while unpacking how the manosphere is built on convincing men they’re broken, to make them shell out money for the cure.

Asked what healthy masculinity actually looks like, she points to the men already modelling it.

“My beautiful partner Adam is an amazing example… he’s really unafraid to show his emotions, he’s very calm and measured.” 

“I also think that I’m quite averse to even labelling things as masculine or feminine,” she explains. “We all should try and just be nice, supportive people.”

That rejection of rigid gender boxes is likely to resonate with many LGBTQIA+ folks.

Abbie – who came in 2021 – speaks candidly about her own bisexuality, admitting she still has “a complicated relationship” with visibility while being in love with a man.

“I never ever saw myself as bi because growing up… being a queer woman just wasn’t visible,” she says.

These are experiences many bisexual people would be able to identify with, and Abbie lays it all out to me with grace, humility, and a remarkable amount of emotional intelligence. Abbie explains that she tries to balance acknowledging her straight-passing privilege without hiding an important part of herself as a bisexual, queer woman.

“I think queerness is inherently multi-dimensional and complex,” she explains.

That complexity and nuanced thinking will undoubtedly also through Abbie Chatfield Loves Men.

The show will be entertainment, yeah. But it’s also an invitation to imagine a version of masculinity that isn’t built on resentment or domination. 

And if dismantling the manosphere starts with a room of laughter, Abbie is more than happy to give it a crack.

Abbie Chatfield Loves Men is on tour across Australia from July 10–29.

 

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