Europe sparkles in Azerbaijan

This week we see where it all began with Revenge, we talk about the opening of Bombshell (the new Broadway musical on SMASH), and we sparkle into Europe’s night of nights — the Eurovision Song Contest in Azerbaijan.

It’s the night we have been waiting for — a few gunshots, a body falls onto the sand in the darkness, and a sparkling ‘fire and ice’ themed engagement party for Emily and Daniel. But who is the body on the beach? Where is Daniel?

This is where it all began…

Revenge had its 15th episode on Monday and it brought us to the body on the beach. Who was it? It was the one and only Tyler Barrol (Ashton Holmes), the devious manipulator who obviously knew more than he should have.

Who killed Tyler? It could have been anyone. They all had a motive. But who will get the blame?

It all starts to unravel much faster from now on as we have only seven weeks left until the shocking first season cliffhanger — well, that’s if Channel Seven doesn’t put the show on a short hiatus to spread the next seven episodes out.

Whatever happens, season two arrives in September. Will Channel Seven decide to fast track it from the US, or leave us hanging until 2013? Some viewers may not be able to wait that long.

Another show, which won’t be back in Oz until at least the first quarter of 2013, is SMASH. The final episode aired on Monday night (encore Tuesday), and we certainly got to see the dramas on and off the Broadway stage.

The first season of SMASH ends with the opening of Bombshell, the musical based on the life of Marilyn Monroe. It had been a bumpy ride to get it to the Broadway stage, but now we see the fruits of their labour.

Before the curtain comes down on the season, there are still more dramas to contend with — Derek makes a major decision affecting Ivy and Karen, Tom and Julia scramble to save Bombshell, and
Lyle returns with bad news. I wonder if Priscilla, The Queen of the Desert had this much trouble entering Broadway.

What was great last weekend, and not just for Azerbaijan, but for the rest of Europe (even Greece) was the Eurovision Song Contest. It had some sparkle. Each country has only three minutes to grab the audience.

Here is my take on how some of the countries went in their performances.

The United Kingdom had the worldly talents of Engelbert Humperdinck. It unfortunately didn’t equal high votes. Hungary was more technical and upbeat.

Albania had a woman named Rona. Her hair looked like rope. It was amazing, and her voice could move mountains. I have already downloaded her song from iTunes.

Lithuania had Donny Montell with the song Love is Blind. He was wearing a blindfold for the first moments of the song, but took it off when there was a key change, which was good, as I was getting a bit bored. However, I cherished the Michael Jackson moves. Some of the melody had a similar feel to the Miss United States pageant in the film Miss Congeniality.

Russia had those cute grandmas in national costume who were cooking, but then told us to dance when the music went more upbeat. Their song still resonates in my head.

France had Anguun, known as Anguun, the Queen of the Desert. It was a great performance, even with the hot French acrobats.

Italy had Nina Zilli, very Amy Winehouse, even in sound, but obviously much healthier and robust.

Estonia had a young man who was pretty and had killer eyebrows, need I say more. Oh yeah, he was wearing a vest.

Romania had a singer who looked like Eva Longoria.

Greece had a song Aphrodisiac, which had, of course, cute back-up dancers. I’m sure if Greece had won, they wouldn’t be able to afford to put the contest on in a nice stadium or concert hall, but instead in front of the Parthenon. The Greek entrant also showed that the economy must be down, but the skirts are going up.

Turkey had sexy leathered-up hipster pirates. It had the best use of material. However, it was all to do with the facial haired masculine-looking dancers. It made me want to book a trip to Turkey.

Ireland’s entrant was the return of the singing and dancing twins Jedward. They were in space age Xanadu-type outfits. There was also a lovely little water feature. Well, the song was called Waterline.

Ukraine had a dance anthem which also resonates in your head well after the competition ended. It had the best use of computerised screens showing colourful people dancing, while there were dancers with trumpets. Mardi Gras should use it for their marketing for 2013. The song was called Be My Guest. It really made you want to party. The commentators thought it was between Mardi Gras and the world cup of whatever sport.

Sweden’s entrant was in Euphoria as the country won the coveted prize. The song would make a great addition to any dance club. Even karate clubs could even use it, as the singer Loreen was doing karate-like moves. It was a great piece of theatre.

But some of the people of Azerbaijan were not happy with Loreen’s display of support — obviously away from the competition itself — for gay rights. Well, she is from Sweden after all.

Next year, the Eurovision Song Contest will be in Stockholm. Maybe ABBA can make an appearance, and if so, the gays the world over will be convulsing with joy.

By TIMOTHY CONNELL