At last there is relief for the party pup, the eccy egg, the blinded binge boozer and the amyl brain. Neuroscience has come to the rescue. It would be nice if the pathway was easy, and the regeneration occurred by itself. Alas, this is not the case.

Christopher Reeve became living proof that nerve cells (neurons) regrew after the trauma of a broken neck, giving him the ability to travel the world as an inspirational presenter. His neural regeneration was not complete, and he never regained use of his legs, yet his partial recovery debunked the myth that, once destroyed or lost, nervous function could not be restored.

Alcohol consumption destroys brain cells at such an alarming rate its consumers would cease imbibing so fast Fosters Brewing would be seeking a mineral spring to produce a fluid alternative. While this is a sharemarket tragedy, imagine the impact on our icons — Victoria Bitter and Charlatan the United Stewardess.

Many of the spirit-lifting, ability-enhancing and virility-stimulating substances manufactured by the social chemists have similar impacts. The garbage-like smell of amyl nitrate doesn’t only stimulate blood flow — it slays the neurons it encounters in a method not dissimilar to room-clearing laser that fires into an army of alien enemies with a ‘Poof’ in contemporary video games. There is hope should these ailments have touched your life. Cardiac or aerobic exercise triggers the release of neural growth stimulants.

Brains that have difficulty processing numbers or letters, eyes unable to track across pages for reading and writing, neurons that struggle to store or remember information benefit from exercise. Not once a week, not three times a week, but daily cardiac stress is required to set the brain up for learning, assist with academic retention, and produce feelgood hormones that reduce stress and mental depression.

A sporting team or club is the core unit to motivate individuals to improve their neurological and emotional wellbeing. To find one that suits you, visit QSAM, and investigate the games and events that can take you across town, interstate or around the world; www.queersportsmelbourne.org

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