The things we do for love -¦ well, that’s how the song goes and, to be honest, it rang oh so clear last week. Now it wasn’t so much love, more like having hots for, and these hots took me to a place I had never been before. I am not talking about never been to me but to Hilltop. Where the hell is Hilltop, you may be asking. Let’s just say that you need to get two trains, a bus and a horse to get there. It’s down near Bowral but I prefer to say out in the sticks.

My friend was moving to Queensland and it would have been the last chance I had to catch up. So after a big night at work and just a couple of hours’ sleep I was packed ready to go. With purple drag wheelie-bag in tow I was soon boarding my first mode of transport, a rickety train. It was so early morning, I think technically it was still night.

Three and a half hours of chopping and changing had me delivered outside the general store and to my utter horror also found me without my phone. You guessed it -“ no signal at all and, even worse, no friend waiting for me. I was stuck in a strange place with no means of communicating with the outside world. What was I to do? So after a quick pie and bottle of Coke, I had to hatch a plan. Thank god, my special friend and I had hit a stage where we had actually exchanged real names (not fake, sex-on-premises names). So after a quick flick through the phone book I had a direction to be pointed in. Quite obviously he had slept through his alarm so I resigned myself to the fact I was in the bush and had to defend myself. I was a scout, goddammit, so as long as it didn’t involve starting fire from sticks, I would be fine.

With desperation written all over my face, I went into a shop where the young lady at the counter kindly directed me as best as possible to the address in the phone book: Ah, darl, you take two lefts, then a right but, if you hit the dirty road, ya stuffed so come back.

After 20 minutes of walking and almost a litre of water, I was about to give up when I saw my special friend and dog, bounding down the road. I’m so sorry -¦ blah blah and I slept in -¦ blah blah.

Needless to say the whole adventure was held over his head for my complete stay, giving me such a lot of power. I now know exactly what it feels like to be the only gay in the village and live to tell the tale!

EYESPY Who was the trashy drag queen at Fag Tag last weekend (Hugo’s) who soon turned sooo crazy she had to be put in a cab?

I have come up with a fabulous Day. It is very similar to most Days like Clean-Up Australia Day or Harmony Day. I am talking about Kiss A Stranger Day. I have been road-testing it at Stonewall on Saturday nights and I think it is ready to unleash on the whole city.

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