One of the most misleading nursery rhymes ever, ‘Row row …’ you know the rest. Just for the record the whole lot is a complete load of crap.

Gently down the stream, indeed. The little guy who doesn’t weigh very much disturbs the peaceful suburbs within a 25km range as he ‘gently’ encourages and keeps time for his crew. Cox is right.

A right royal cock. One can’t hear the gentle breach of the oar in the water because of the bellow that issues from his or her vocal cords. This is not good enough, of course — the little prick has to grab a conical tin created after Madonna used it in a video clip a few decades ago, press it to his lips in an attempt to deafen the whales, seals or common eels that meander along our ‘gentle stream’.

Honestly, who says ‘Putt’ when they’re a little stressed? Not my genteel shearer’s daughter mother-in-law, let me tell you. So the little person who wants to be known as the biggest cox screams a little louder.

The poor rowing crew, seeking monastic-like harmony with nature in the pre-dawn hours, have their ‘exhale slowly while extending the arms’ replaced with ‘Pull, pull, pull’. I’m not even sure it is legal.

You’re not allowed to drive a Hyundai with a souped-up exhaust that disturbs the ‘quiet enjoyment of life’ around our café strips. So why is the little cock in the front so noisy?

He’s actually singing the gay version.

“Pull, pull, pull you queers/ Harder as you go/ Fairily, fairily, fairliy fairily/ I wanna see you blow.”

With words like that, I’m beginning to get it now — rowing does hold an attraction for our community. Physiologically, it is ranked in the top three for aerobically challenging the body.

As well as that, of course, there’s the nursery rhyme. Get in touch with Glebe Rowers or one of the many other sporting clubs and teams at www.teamsydney.org.au

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