Are you out to all your work colleagues? Do you get flowers from your partner in the office on your birthday and proudly say, “Oh, they are from my boyfriend!”?
Or do you gently sweep your sexuality under the rug to simply get through the day without drawing too much attention to yourself?
I’ve never really felt the need to come out in the workplace. Besides writing for queer publications, and working in queer-operated businesses, I also work at a store selling luxury luggage. While I’ve been working there for almost nine months, I’ve never really felt compelled to talk about my sexuality.
That goes for all my other jobs outside of the queer community. I don’t think I’m scared to come out — more just that I’m there to make some moolah and get out of there.
And I would prefer to not really speak to my traditional family man boss about how I’m hungover on a Thursday afternoon because I got drunk at Stonewall the night before.
It also comes in handy when you get placed with a straight-as-nails co-worker who likes to talk about, and do, things that you simply can’t do with a girl around, and which he might not feel comfortable to do around a gay man.
It is advantageous for me to not disclose my sexuality at my workplace, and so that is why I do it.
I do not feel oppressed or discriminated against, and I feel comfortable separating my work from the other sectors of my life.
But, of course, if you do wish to disclose your sexuality, go for it! Coming out at work, as in life, can set you free.
By JESSE MATHESON
I’m a swimming teacher and work with kids as young as 2 to about 18. The families at the pool tend to be a little on the conservative side and while I don’t exactly talk to my kids about who I slept with the night before, I don’t exactly hold back either.
Now I’m not flamboyant in any way – at least I don’t think I am – but last week I did break into a Disney medley with some of the girls on my Monday night squad.
I guess the point I’m trying to make is while I don’t exactly wear a big sparkly sign that says “I SLEEP WITH MEN!”, if you pay attention to my classes each week it wouldn’t be too difficult to guess.
In the staffroom with the other employees at the pool each week we usually have a good chat about our personal lives too. I’m often complaining about some crappy date or swooning over some random guy I saw at uni, not withholding any details.
And nobody has a problem with any of it at all.
Recently I met someone who was a tennis coach who told me he won’t come out because people will think of him as a pedophile – apparently Australia isn’t ready for gay people to work with kids.
In my humble 19 year old opinion – WHAT ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT.
People need to stop letting themselves be victimised so much. I know it’s difficult, I know it’s scary, but if you’re making the conscious decision to change or hide yourself at work, then you’ve really got a problem.
I’m not saying you NEED to tell everyone at work about your personal life, but if you’re asked about it you shouldn’t feel the need to avoid the question. Don’t let stereotypes and prejudices define who you are.
This was my wish…to be out to my colleagues. I said to myself that I would come out once I get a job in my dream job in the airlines where there’s a huge number of ‘Out’ people. But being comfortably straight acting amongst a flock of peacocks who are uber flamboyant, I just can’t bring myself to it. I feel like I’m a different kind of gay to these party people. So, just like last night, I lie to my straight manager who would rather talk about his kids or naked women and pretend to play along. It’s a big struggle really. Either that or I do exactly what you do Jess and avoid talking about or draw attention to myself. I wish there was a trustworthy gay person I could hang out with at work, but they’re all out there to bitch or spread rumours which brings me back to the closet more and more. With Facebook looming and galleys to talk about one another, it’s a pretty scary world.
One day I’ll bring myself to it. But when that will be…I don’t know.
Aaron sums it up perfectly in his second sentence. I’m not going to hide who I am because it will make homophobic work colleagues feel more comfortable. That’s *their* problem – not mine. How are workplaces going to become more accepting of differences in general (let alone sexuality) if people aren’t comfortable telling people they actually have a boyfriend, not a girlfriend.
You wrote an article about ‘coming out’ (Sept 7th) where you note that doing so “can not only open your life to new experiences, but also open the minds of those around you.” I agree with this statement wholeheartedly and think it should apply to every facet of your life, including your workplace.
While your sexuality is part none of your colleagues’ business, it certainly shouldn’t be something you should obscure. And if the traditional family man doesn’t like knowing that you’re gay, then that’s his problem. Maybe the gays don’t like knowing he’s homophobic.
I’ve been out in every job I’ve had since coming out (I’m 36 and came out when I was 22). I don’t believe in being closeted for the ‘comfort’ of those around me. Most jobs I’ve had people are totally themselves and I put up with all their irritating quirks so they can put up with my sexuality in return.