As a journalist, we are always scouring the internet in search of newsworthy stories to bring to our Star Observer readers, so when I came across reports of a 6ft penis marauding around the streets of Footscray earlier this week, I was immediately aroused, I mean intrigued, and decided to do some “investigating” into the origins of this mighty phallus.  

As it turns out, the puppet was the work of local Melbourne company Snuff Puppets, who have been delighting and entertaining audiences across Australia and the world since 1992 with their larger-than-life puppeteering.

“It was for a piece called Off The Shelf, which is our first live streamed work because of the restrictions on live performance,Andy Freer, the company’s artistic director told Star Observer. “We have a big collection of body parts that are from this puppet called Everybody, which is a giant 26- and half-meter-long human puppet that represent all humans.”

Part of Off The Shelf has seen members of the public write in to see what puppets they want to see. Not ones to discriminate against any part of the human anatomy, the series has also featured the birth of a baby through a ‘giant vagina’. However, it was the single suggestion for the creation of this 6ft penis, that got people feeling more than a little titillated, as Freer explained.

 “There was one suggestion for the penis, we had all the puppets we wanted to play with ready to go, but the penis, the foot and the eyeball were those ones that just started storming out the building the other morning. There were a couple of passes by who filmed it and it went viral on social media, and the response was a mix of the usual ‘what the fuck’ and the obvious penis jokes.”

Despite the 6ft penis having a fabulous time mincing around the streets of Footscray, there was a rather humorous ‘technical mishap’ which, if you read on, gives a whole new meaning to the term, erectile disfunction.

The penis is meant to piss, the whole apparatus was ready to go, but it did a spurting instead of a steady stream as it should, so people saw it is ejaculation. But I kind of actually preferred it to ejaculate, pissing is about down in the gutter, but ejaculation you know, that’s a real celebration of life.”

Sadly, Freer concluded our interview by confirming that the 6ft penis has gone into retirement, and won’t be seen mincing around the streets of Melbourne again anytime soon. Which is such a shame for people like me, who just can’t get enough of the D

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