Note To My Younger Gay Self During Pride Month
Image: Image:Maksim Chernishev
It was April 1968, and as an awkward young adult not long in the city from my rural upbringing, I was having an employment interview for a foot-in-the-door office job.
I expected empathy from the young male interviewer as he also had a small-town upbringing.
‘You’re Not A Poofter, Are You?’
Eventually, he said I had the job, adding with a somewhat threatening tone, “You’re not a poofter, are you?” That ended any imagined empathy. He had carried his rural homophobic bias to the city and wasn’t afraid to use it.
Some historic moments in life become so deeply embedded in your psyche that you cannot forget them. And that was my biblical denial moment – the first time I publicly denied my true sexual self. I wanted that job so badly, yet it severed something so deep inside me that it has never healed.
Discrimination Was A Fact Of Life
Back then, homosexuality was illegal and rarely spoken about. Gay men were never visible to straight society, and especially not to employers. Discrimination was a fact of life for all sorts of reasons, not just sexuality.
In those younger days, with no visible gay role models, I thought I was one of the few who felt like I did. There were no support mechanisms, no one to talk to about my feelings, and few places to find other like-minded men. “You’ll grow out of it,” I was told by a family doctor. So, of course, we stayed in the closet. We denied our sexuality and our right to live without persecution. We suffered deep internal agonies of inadequacy and inferiority, many lasting a lifetime. And surprise, surprise – it turns out that often we were not the only gay in the office.
Would I deny my true sexual self if this employment situation was today? No, I would not! But then, it should never be said today.
Be Strong, Be Visible, And Be True To Yourself – Deny Nothing
Today I know about same-sex support services. I have the law on my side; I have out and proud role models; I have viable employment alternatives; I would potentially have like-minded work colleagues; I have equal employment rights; I have a sense of gay community and solidarity, and I have empathetic friends and lovers.
I also acknowledge having inherited an amazing viable legacy from brave men and women who have stood up against the system – and won!
As we celebrate World Pride, be proud of this inheritance.
Be strong, be visible, and be true to yourself. Deny nothing.
