Well, it’s that time of year again. Christmas is nearly upon us.

While I’m still wondering where the year went, the decorations have gone up and crazed Christmas shoppers are buzzing about scooping up merchandise.

As a kid I was besotted with the twinkling allure of it all. Tinsel seemed to hold a special place in my heart, my hair, and my clothes. But the romanticism of snow flakes and reindeer was short-lived. And besides, it’s too bloody hot.

I soon learnt I’d been duped by the bourgeois sham and the fat man in the suit; the pleasantries and polite smiling. I realised everyone was just pissed. And like many, I came to tolerate the festive stupor rather than enjoy it.

Whether it’s lame work functions or family soirees, I guess the relevance of Christmas is being questioned, and unless you’re profoundly religious or five years old, it’s usually just an excuse to get trolleyed. Then I ’spose it wouldn’t be the same without those who seem to hoard a year’s worth of unspoken vitriol for the special occasion, would it?

Distractions like games and DVDs are a good idea. Eating too much works a treat too. If everyone’s always eating or hungover, there’s less time to squabble. And food tends to slow them down.

One year I did volunteer work, which was ghastly. I guess I was expecting to be tenderly ladling soup for the homeless, and instead found myself lugging tables and hosing off the stench of urine and destitution. Nothing jolly ’bout that.

Gen Y is expected to spend big again. I read that most will fritter an average of $2000 over the Christmas period. Sounds like a lot, right? I’d rather spend that on NYE and Mardi Gras. But it is the one time of year to try and catch up with loved ones.

Yet for many, that doesn’t necessarily mean biological family. There are plenty of festive shindigs on the queer calendar, and I’ve noticed Facebook groups popping up for those who’d otherwise be alone. So remember to chillax with your chosen family too.

Anyway, that’s this queen’s Christmas message done and dusted. Note to self: buy more food.

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