I’ve cleaned out my casual f**k buddy list, added half a dozen new and eager players, and have the stats for several more curious “when-this-whole-virus-thing-is-over” guys waiting in the wings.

Like you, I’ve been self-isolating for weeks and that also meant sexual isolation. With my casual sex-buddies non-existent, saunas closed, beats probably still humming along but not my scene, no bars or sex events on offer – what was a man to do to obtain some relief?

As for millions of other men, the internet became my go-to place for both stimulation and sense of community. I’ve always believed in a worldwide community of like-minded sexually active men, a secret club, who appreciate male-to-male sexuality and are eager to share those physical urges. It’s a place to visit at any time of the night or day where you can find another horny man (or men) also looking for a chat, peruse some horny dick pix, stimulate each other with stories of “what-I’d-like-to-do-with-you-right-now” – and, eventually, shoot a load. All very personal and individual, all very sexually safe, all very socially distanced. Suddenly, masturbation emerged as the world’s most popular daily male exercise regime.

From Darwin to Daylesford, Cairns to Coolaroo, and from Florida to the UK, I’ve spoken with locked-down guys all seeking that same elusive experience of knowing that their sexual needs could still be met by solo means while realising that they weren’t alone in finding the global situation unnerving and strange. The conversations gave me the freedom to tell sexual stories, both real and slightly embellished, as well as more erotically over-the-top fantasies that grew even wilder with each returning message. With no chance of ever meeting, we could both indulge ourselves in fantasies that would do justice to the most elaborate porn scenario.

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 The chats ranged from role plays of everything from corporal/sergeant to farmer/city guy, to watersports, married guys wearing the wife’s knickers, eager discussions about what happens at a gay sauna, gangbangs, being topped, bottomed and skewered – you name it and there seemed to be a fantasy about it. I even got a glowing reference from a message forum: “I had a hot email the other day from a guy who made me erect in no time as well as some very descriptive inbox messages“. True!

With no restraints on ever having to prove anything you were talking about as being real, I accidentally rediscovered my biggest sex organ – my imagination.

In more “normal” times we use our dating profiles to attract partners that will fit acceptable community stereotypes – “curious guy seeking first experiences,” “I want several guys to gangbang me Friday night,” or ”looking for a gentle partner to widen my bi experiences”. I now recognise that below that surface profile is a much deeper need for sexual expression, especially where some extreme porn has been viewed and new possibilities exist in the mind of the viewer. It’s where the “what-if” possibility comes alive and where, if you find a willing or experienced partner to share talking about it with you, you can indulge in the safest yet most erotic of fantasies.

In times of sexual isolation, where a good wank is the only option, words can be a very powerful stimulant to take you into fantasy worlds where, in reality, you could be too timid to try them. In the seclusion and privacy of your own space, you can become whatever sexual deviant, slut, or porn star you like. Edged on by ever-more racy messages from a virtually unknown man on the other side of the globe, and you can become the most sex-positive, alluring, out-going slut of all time.

And it is all totally safe sex.

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 Because of this lack of transmissible casual sexual partners have STIs also become a depleted by-product of the virus isolation?

Maybe we could emerge from hibernation as being the most STI-free community the world has ever known – probably not something governments will trumpet as a productive outcome from the virus lockdown.

The many weeks of enforced isolation, the social distancing, the lack of casual physical touch and the need to exploit the safe-sex satisfaction of masturbation have resulted in many of us developing a new appreciation of self-love, as well as knowing that the dangers of sexual infections will be at their lowest levels in living memory.

Thanks, COVID-19. You have changed both my, and the world’s male/male sexuality for the better. Who at New Year could have imagined that happening?

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