You Cant Ask That! – Digging Deep Into Surrogacy Journeys

On Sat 18 February, as World Pride gets underway, Growing Families is running a series of ‘You Can’t Ask That!’ panels, to give those considering building family, rare insights from experts, surrogates, recent parents and older children via surrogacy from around the globe.

As Sydney gears up to open its heart to the international LGBT community, it’s a great opportunity to reflect on the cultural diversity of these families we build.

These are complex arrangements with most requiring an egg donor, a surrogate and a ton of support. Unable to locate all the ingredients at home, many venture further afield. Kids born via surrogacy to LGBTI parents blend into the cultural melting pot of a metropolis like Sydney, but dig deep and their stories are all unique. Because many of their parents engaged with donors and surrogates in India, Thailand, Mexico, the United States and Canada to create family, these kids are part of not only ‘rainbow’ but ethnically diverse families.

Take Blake Ramear. He and his twin brother Joel have just turned thirteen. Born via US surrogacy, the boys live with their dads in the Southern Highlands. One of Blake’s dads; Rees Rear has a proud Maori heritage. The boys’ last name joined their two dads surnames, to create the very own unique surname.

One flow on effect of intended parents putting family building on hold during the Covid pandemic has been a sharp increase in demand for surrogacy now. It means many large overseas agencies are quoting upwards of 12 to 18 months for a surrogate match. For those impatient to start family sooner, it is the smaller providers–  unencumbered by a backload of impatient intended parents – which are delivering.

Yet not all of us need to cross borders to create family. Another dad talking at Growing Families 18 February seminar is Warwick Scott – a Sydney harbour marine officer. He and his partner Jason started looking into surrogacy back in 2018.

Their preference was for a known donor and surrogate, so they and their baby could have an ongoing connection with each. As well, they wanted to be involved in the entire pregnancy, including medical appointments and scans. Taking a leap of faith, they shared their dream to friends and family through Facebook.

A number of friends offered to donate eggs in response. However this part had some obstacles and ultimately their donor ended up being another friend Rish who offered after their journey had slowed down. After two egg collections, they were successful in creating three embryos.

Their surrogate match also required patience with. Yet after about a year, a friend of Warwick’s sister reached out. Warwick had known Mel for about two decades. Once they reconnected and began to build the relationship it took about a year to work through the counselling and legal issues. Both Warwick & Mel will share their perspectives at Growing Families upcoming Sydney event, including just what support these gay intended dads needed to give Mel, and their advice to others contemplating this route.

Details of Growing Families February seminars in Sydney, Adelaide and Brisbane are here. They will cover changes in the landscape in Australia, the US and Canada, as well as emerging destinations such as Argentina.