Spring has well and truly sprung. With our fair city blanketed in glorious sunshine last week, then wet and windy later, you really don’t know if you are Arthur or Martha. Which is the story of my life at the moment.

Since I lost a little weight, summer has become my favourite season. Once the cold months would bring me joy. I was carrying around my own blanket of insulation and constantly adding to it with each mouthful.

Now trim, almost taut and terrific, I find myself venturing to the beach much more. Last week was my first beach expedition to hopefully change my clear complexion into a nutty golden brown.

And fingers crossed, a lot nuttier than the tan from a can I’d used over winter. After dusting off my ‘kini and purchasing a new pair of flip-flops I was ready to face my public and subject them to my semi-nudity. (Yes, I still have a form of the never-nude syndrome.)

After minutes of consideration a handful of the sexy Stonewall staff and I -“ the ugly ones had to work -“ set off to Bronte, where I had never been before. I am a North Bondi girl from way back but, taking the advice of the boys, I bought my TravelTen bus ticket and set off.

I was told Bronte was where a lot of our lesbian sisters lived and I was hoping to see some and their dogs in their natural habitat. (I love lesbians -“ I think the more lesbians, the more boys for me.) Disappointingly, they must have been at work because there weren’t that many at all.

Sun blazing, fish and chips burning through paper wrapping, and dripping of suntan lotion, our day was perfect till we got in the water.

I had been told that the warm currents haven’t quite reached Australia yet and, although it might a thousand degrees outside, the water still had little ice cubes floating around in it.

But not listening to my favourite Slide barman Nik (it seemed all venues had representatives at Bronte that day -“ all believing underwear was optional under boardshorts), I waddled down to the beach pool for a dip.

Holy goodnight! Grown men were shrieking in fright seconds after jumping in. Needless to say I was in and out so fast people would have thought I was a flash.

I was soon back up on my towel next to the old lady who looked dehydrated from too much sun exposure, reapplying sunscreen every time I caught sight of her wrinkled body.

Oh what a day! Bring on summer, I say. Maybe this year I will be brave enough to actually make it into the water long enough to get wet.

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