Butches and femmes speak out

It was Newcastle in the early 90s and femme lesbian Maree was ordering a drink. There she was in her high boots and little pink handbag when she heard a woman’s voice from across the bar.
I thought we were supposed to wear fucking sensible shoes, the woman said.
With that, Maree put her arm around her rather cute, androgynous friend and replied, Well, whose fucking shoes would you prefer to be in now?
Lesbians who identify as part of the butch/femme community have long borne the brunt of discrimination from within both the gay and heterosexual communities.
The idea of lesbians dressing or acting in ways that are conventionally reserved for men and women is an anomaly to many.
From about the 1940s to the 1960s, most lesbians were understood to subscribe to butch/femme gender identity. It wasn’t until the 1970s, when feminists started accusing butch/femme women of subscribing to a heterosexual power dynamic, that the community retreated from public view.
Despite support from the leather and alternative communities, gay men have often been the first to criticise, according to Sam, who identifies as a butch.
It is a form of homophobia among us, she said. Why can’t they just accept us the way we are, rather than doing to us what straights have done for years?
Put the butches and the femmes together, and the discrimination rages, Sam’s femme partner Maree said.
There is a belief that we are a version of straight relationships, Maree said, which is infuriating.
Put simply, Maree experimented with feminine women when she was coming out in the 90s. But when her model-material partner emerged from the bedroom in lingerie sets identical to hers, the penny dropped, I knew I couldn’t get turned on by that.
Then I started going to dyke clubs and I saw butch lesbians, particularly butch leather lesbians, she said. And it was like finding God, like finding faith. It isn’t a fetish, it is what drives my passions.
Maree said she was always a girly girl. She had no inclination to hop on a skateboard or get her knees dirty -“ she wanted to wear dresses and be a big girl.
But it’s the butch lesbians who cop the full force of the discrimination, Maree said, regularly becoming the target of violent hate crimes such as bashings and rape.
Member of Dykes on Bikes Carolynne, who has identified as butch for as long as she can remember, said she is confronted by prejudice, from the subtle to the obvious, on a daily basis.
Here I am sitting down in my office in my shirt and tie and, every time I get up, I get grief, she said.
It is not always necessarily negative, but it is a lack of understanding about what you are representing.
For her, the butch/femme dynamic was a sexual dynamic.
It’s something we get into, for whatever reason, Carolynne said. Who knows why? Why are some people into blonde hair?
The small butch/femme community in Sydney has historically aligned itself with fringe communities such as the leather, queer or alternative scenes -“ groups that don’t use a body beautiful image to police their behaviour.
The different dynamics and identities that make up the butch/femme community are accepted and celebrated within these groups -“ not criticised.
Further hostility has arisen from the labels butches and femmes attach to their sexuality or gender.
It operates in the same way a gay man will say he is a top or 10 inches. Maree said, A butch or femme will say she is a -˜soft butch’ or a -˜high femme’ to identify herself to other women.
If somebody is only into stone butches, for example, which is somebody who prefers to give sexual pleasure rather than be touched anywhere, they might like to know who they should actually approach, she said.
Another common misconception of butch/femme identities is that the butch always dominates the relationship and the femme is submissive.
Carolynne, who is absolutely submissive while her femme girlfriends are tops, said she was a living example of that stereotype being incorrect.
That is entering into your S&M dynamic as well, she said. And it needs to be pointed out that we don’t all engage in that.
Not everybody is going to be comfortable with a butch/femme label, Maree said, but it works for us.
We are being true to who we are. This is about who we are as lesbians and who we are as women, she said.
We are choosing to be brave enough to get out there and live our lives and not give a crap about what anyone thinks.