Memo on behalf of the non-gay-male residents of Erskineville: Can the two dudes who walk the streets of our neighbourhood in nothing but shoes and tiny shorts put on some bloody clothes?

Seriously, I know you’ve been going to the gym like, five times every day for the past five years, and you’ve got rocks for pecs and just the right amount of thigh tone, but your shaved, sweaty, semi-naked bodies are going to cause a traffic accident pretty soon.

Also, the rest of the ‘hood is laughing at you.

Memo to the drag performers of Sydney: Responding to a letter in the Star accusing you of making personal attacks against people, by writing more letters to the Star that make personal attacks against people is not a particularly effective method of conciliation.

Memo to the renovators of the Bank Hotel: Not every pub in Sydney has to look like the inside of a fridge. And please finish the back area quickly. Also, could you turn the music down, at least in one section of the pub? Some of us are old and/or lame and/or prefer a quieter Wednesday night.

Memo to my friend whose blind date I accidentally crashed last week: Sorry.

Memo to the Exclusive Brethren: Thank you for supporting the future of Australia’s print media by taking out ads in Melbourne newspapers in the lead-up to the Victorian elections.

And thanks for pointing out that some politicians actually believe gay people deserve the right to live happily in Australia. Only, if you don’t believe in voting, why do you try to influence elections? Also, if you don’t read newspapers, why advertise in them?

Memo to Australian Idol presenter Andrew G: As the long-suffering moustachioed member of the SSO editorial team can attest, you can’t just grow a moustache for half of Movember. And Greg Evans wants that suit you wore at the Idol final back.

Memo to Sydney Star Observer readers, generally: I’m off work for six weeks for A VERY SECRET REASON. You’re all wonderful. Thanks for your contributions to a great year of papers and see you in the New Year.

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