Okay, it is official, I have gone crazy. I am sure that many have said that about me for years.

And you may be asking, what is sending me around the twist this week? Has the price of Tim Tams gone up? Have they taken the roast off the buffet?

No, none of these. It’s mobile phone ringtones. I know it is ridiculous and I should be shot even wasting my time thinking about them.

But if I hear that bloody stupid crazy frog one more time, I will have no more hair to rip out.

Does it seem the more developed that technology gets, the stupider the sounds are that come out of our phones?

Now don’t get me wrong, I can’t live without my mobile, so much so that recently when it crashed I went into a sort of self-induced coma.

Only to come to with the sound of my ringtone. Nothing better than coming to with the sounds of C+C Music Factory in your ears: Gunna make you sweat! I was soon up and doing the running man around the lounge room. Yeah, it was going to be all right!

What has brought about all this craziness? Well, my household has just installed Foxtel.

And the old saying, Couldn’t be happier than a pig in shit, rings loud and clear.

But it seems that every advertisement is saturated with ringtones, wallpapers and god knows what else that can be downloaded to your phone.

One that they are flogging at the moment is Crazy Frog, and it actually makes me get up and leave the room when it is on.

Yes, that is right, my arse leaves the lounge! Could there be people out there that actually buy and use these ringtones?

This is where the craziness is really hitting me. It seems that everywhere I go I am hearing mobiles going off with these ringtones.

What are you people thinking? Whether I am on a train or sitting at Global Gossip, they seem to be following me around.

So what do I suggest for someone’s mobile ring? Why not try a tone that is really a song, or maybe just a standard ring?

And for all those people that choose to have those crazy ones, just have a look around next time your mobile goes off in a public place.

Perhaps there is a little fat drag queen cringing in the corner.

EYESPY

What is the old girl doing now? I am talking about Claire de Lune. Many know her as the crazy French chef from Kerri-Anne’s TV show but not many know that her talents in the kitchen stretch further than those bloody sausages.

Claire is an amazing chef preparing food that could rival any of the major Sydney restaurants.

So what does a showgirl chef do when she has a few free nights? She hosts her own dinner parties.

Now, I could waffle on forever but if you want to know more, have a look at mkuzma.bigpondhosting.com

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