Hope you had a happy Mardi Gras, party animals. As we strutted down Oxford St on Saturday night in a celebration of queer pride, similar events were taking place in kennels, zoos, jungles and oceans across the world. Here’s why:
Boy bottlenose dolphins go down on each other regularly by rubbing their snouts onto each other’s private parts. They’re also known to rub their stiffies against the body of their partner. Apparently these guys are generally bi but go through periods of being exclusively gay. Hooray! They’re here, they’re queer.
And they’re not alone. Bonobo apes from Central Africa live in a matriarchal society. Not only do these chicks rule the jungle, they rule the bedroom as well. Errm tree beds? About 60 per cent of all Bonobo sex is between two or more ladies, but both girls and guys are into in a mixture of homo and hetero sexy times.
People who are way more scientific than me say that Bonobos have sex to avoid conflict. So if a lady ape hits a baby that’s not her own, the baby’s mum might lunge at her, but immediately after they rub each other’s genitals. Yay for make up sex. Hey ho, hey ho, homophobia’s got to go!
The gayness doesn’t stop there. In November last year, two queer king penguins became dads at a Denmark zoo. The boys adopted an egg that had been abandoned by a female penguin and took turns at incubating it. Awww.
Zoo keepers had previously noticed that the male penguin couple were clucky after they tried to steal an egg from some other penguins. Oh noes. Fortunately the boys didn’t have to be so sneaky this time round. Rainbow family pride!
Closer to home, female koalas are having lesbian orgies. Researchers at Queensland University, who studied 130 koalas in captivity, watched ladies reject men and attempt to mate with each other, sometimes up to five at once. Aussie Aussie Aussie!
Male fruit flies are just as queer, even if they don’t mean to be. The fruity flies sometimes hook up with other dudes because they’re missing the gene that gives them the ability to distinguish between sexes. Let’s just call it a ‘happy accident’ then, shall we?
And tragically, earlier this month an American Bulldog was due to be put down at a Tennessee animal shelter, after he was handed in when his gay-fearing owner found him humping another male dog. When the doggy’s story went viral, a nice lady adopted him and named him “Elton”. Bless.
INFO: You can follow Monique Schafter on Twitter @MoniqueSchafter