Father figures

It’s Father’s Day this weekend. Or is it next weekend? In any case, it’s soon, as evidenced by yet another catalogue tumbling from today’s newspaper.

I always find something disturbing about these annual glossy inserts full of male models struggling to look paternal. Put them in a polo shirt, toss them a toddler and hope for the best. It’s rarely convincing and makes me wonder why they never use men who actually look like dads.

This year’s Myer Father’s Day catalogue is teeming with stylish separates and butch cosmetics. The fact that most of the men featured look about as fatherly as I do should not pass without remark. These salon-styled men in their pristine cotton casuals barely look capable of procreation, let alone parenting. I think it’s time someone did something about this.

The concept of dad-dom in gay society has various connotations. There’s your bearded Big Daddy type; your standard old bloke; and then there’s the kind-hearted fellow who exists to convince his partner that he’s still a good boy despite being 35 years old.

The Midnight Shift is a rich source of dads. The Oxford has plenty. And Kingsteam? Dads galore. Thrillingly, the latter appears to attract real ones. Honest-to-goodness biological fathers, with wedding rings to prove it. An encounter here can be unusually fulfilling in this regard. It’s like Father’s Day in reverse: you get the gift and it’s a lot better than a Hugo Boss beach bag.

Really, does your dad want or need another tie? A shaving kit? Cufflinks? No! He wants to know he can still pull. In a culture fixated on youth, he wants to feel wanted. Personally, I’ve always been attracted to older blokes and I know I’m not alone. I love the grizzled dad wearing pyjamas in that microwave macaroni ad. And the Colorbond bear in his underwear. These are real dads, hot dads, and I think they could be used to promote a new institution -“ Do a Dad Day.

Do a Dad Day is more than an inter-generational shagfest. It’s a resounding cry that men can have a paunch, a receding hairline -“ hell, total disregard for their personal appearance -“ and still get a leg over. Given that middle-aged men wield most of the political and economic power, the ramifications could be huge. Imagine, a world full of happy dads.

Try achieving that with a pair of socks.