Forgotten victims must speak out

More than 650 men in NSW were sexually assaulted last year, according to government figures, but only about 20 percent of those were reported to police.

Few men come forward to report it because of shame and a fear of not being believed, according to NSW Rape Crisis Centre manager Karen Willis.

Men think they’re invincible or supposed to be, but they’re not, Willis said.

Men can still be affected by the trauma of sexual assault, and the impacts include fear and shame, which have a very silencing impact on people.

Willis said if the assault resulted in a sexual response or occurred during a date or after meeting someone at the local pub or nightclub, then some are hesitant to call it assault.

Blokes will say, -˜Oh, I got an erection, I ejaculated, I must have liked it, there’s part of me that said this is okay,’ she said.

But these reactions are a purely physical response to stimuli, Willis added, and had nothing to do with the emotional response.

Reports of drink spiking in the gay community are common at the Anti-Violence Project, yet few cases ever reach a court.

To help in these cases, NSW attorney-general John Hatzistergos has proposed a bill to tighten consent laws.

Those who do not have the capacity to agree to sex, including through intoxication, will not be able to legally give consent under the draft bill, Hatzistergos said.

Under current laws there is no requirement for verbal agreement and consent obtained after persuasion is still consent.

One man, who wishes to remain anonymous, said that when two men he met in a Sydney gay bar spiked his drink, he feared people would assume the resulting sexual acts were consensual.

I’ve gone home with two guys and it looks like I’ve gone home with them for one reason. I guess I was trying to rationalise it in my head that I deserved this, he said.

During the PEP period I denied everything in my head initially, it was just unsafe sex as far as I was concerned. It wasn’t until I spoke to a friend that I acknowledged it. They said, -˜No, you’ve been raped.’

Six months after the incident, he suffered a breakdown and finally sought counselling, but felt it had been too late to report it.

The counselling service said I could report it, that it was my decision. More than likely it wouldn’t be successful, and being male I didn’t think people would believe me.

Eight months down the track, I was just trying to deal with it myself, let alone trying to explain it to someone else. It was easier to say I’d rather not push it. I’d rather just forget about it and move on with things.

Willis hopes men know that the NSW Rape Crisis Centre does cater for all types of sexual assault, and often talking about it is enough.

Just because it wasn’t 20 people and you didn’t end up in hospital from it doesn’t mean it wasn’t traumatising or it wasn’t sexual assault. You have every right to support and recovery, she said.

The NSW Rape Crisis Centre can be contacted 24 hours a day on 1800 424 017 or www.nswrapecrisis.com.au.