Surviving the season

Whoever labelled Mardi Gras gay Christmas was on the money. Like the festive season, the Mardi Gras month, which begins on 2 February this year, is packed with celebration, culminating in a day (and night) of revelry at the parade and party.

Also like Christmas, the Mardi Gras season has its downside of isolation and loneliness, as Darlinghurst counsellor David Bourne knows well.

For some gay men and lesbians, the anticipation and merriment in the weeks leading to the parade can be tough, according to Bourne.

If you hang out around Oxford Street, there’s a vibe that’s beginning to grow. You start to think, -˜What am I going to be doing that Saturday night [of the parade]?’ Bourne says.

Getting involved in the scene might provide something of a solution, but Bourne believes the answer lies deeper.

The issue is not so much about feeling part and parcel of the gay community as it is about feeling good about yourself, he says.

Whether you choose then to be part of the scene or not, you’ve got to feel good about yourself.

My first answer would be, -˜Go and see a counsellor or a therapist and start dealing with why it is that you feel that you can’t be part of the celebration.’

Chris Wilson, training and volunteer coordinator at the NSW Gay and Lesbian Counselling Service, agrees Mardi Gras month can be a challenge, particularly for people taking their first steps in the gay community.

Because the gay and lesbian community is more visible, a lot more homophobic comments are made by parents, family, friends, Wilson says.

When you’re coming out, that can make it a little bit more difficult.

Wilson recommends looking for Mardi Gras events that attract gay and straight people.

I think Mardi Gras creates a huge opening for many people, [with] the variety of events that are happening.

Because the straight community also participates -¦ it can be a little less confronting for people in the coming-out process to attend some of the Mardi Gras events and feel a little bit more comfortable, without actually outing themselves necessarily.

It creates an opportunity for people to become involved in a less threatening way.

If the problem is isolation, not coming out, the Gay and Lesbian Counselling Service takes calls every day. Talking it out is well worth it, Wilson says.

The best thing is to actually talk to somebody who is a little bit removed from their situation.

The NSW Gay and Lesbian Counselling Service telephone line is open from 5:30pm to 10:30pm every day. In Sydney call 8594 9596. Outside of Sydney call 1800 184 527.