Talking about same-sex domestic violence

An interagency working group released a report into domestic violence in same-sex relationships on Wednesday, finding a majority of people who experienced such abuse did not seek assistance.

Assisting the working group were people from community, health and legal organisations, NSW Police, and government bodies.

The report titled Fair’s Fair used a survey of 308 Australians sampled from the 2006 Mardi Gras Fair Day to provide a clear picture of the nature of abuse in same-sex relationships, and recommended the implementation of training programs for service providers and key agencies.

Speaking at the launch (pictured left to right) were ACON CEO Stevie Clayton, Sydney lord mayor Clover Moore, NSW minister for women Verity Firth, and chair of the interagency working group Brad Gray.

Gray said the launch was a moment of both professional pride and personal discomfort. Visibly shaken, Gray told the crowd of his own experience in a five-year abusive relationship as an example of how speaking up was important.

The first time he hit me I was in shock and didn’t know how to react. He apologised and was charming for weeks afterwards, Gray said.

I didn’t suffer extreme physical violence but I did experience fear and social isolation. By the end of the relationship I’d lost touch with all but two of my friends and I rarely saw my family.

Gray said recent reporting of domestic violence focusing on female victims and male perpetrators made him feel his experiences were silenced and disregarded.

But watching a woman on breakfast television discuss her experiences publicly made Gray feel more comfortable to talk about his own.

All victims of domestic violence, whatever gender or sexuality, are deserving of help and support -“ you don’t need to compare your experience to anyone else’s.

Clayton said there were many ways domestic violence could manifest in same-sex relationships, including threats to out a partner or threats related to HIV as a means to control or manipulate.

The report also shows, rather alarmingly, that the overwhelming majority of respondents do not seek support through official channels.

Why? Because they believe the relevant authorities cannot provide them with a worthwhile service due to a lack of knowledge, understanding and acceptance of gay and lesbian relationships, Clayton said.

The report calls for measures by police, courts and healthcare providers to help address the problem of same-sex domestic violence.

For information and support visit www.ssdv.acon.org.au or call the 24-hour Domestic Violence Hotline on 1800 65 64 63.