Upstairs and downstairs
It seemed I was performing at opposite ends of the spectrum last week. One was down and dirty with the people, and the other was swishing it with some of the world’s finest celebrities.
As usual, last Wednesday I was commissioned to the Harbourview Hotel as their chief of the tossers. For those not up with the lingo, that meant I called the two-up games.
This was my fourth year and I sort of knew what to expect but really, having a showgirl standing on a raised platform in a straight bar with a bikini-clad assistant, yelling orders at a sea of men, you never know exactly what to expect.
The day is ultimately fun, but long and very hard work. When I first signed up I thought, Two-up, yeah, this will be simple. I didn’t realise that a two-up game lasts for only about one minute, so you can imagine how many games I called in six hours. Talking for six hours straight was truly unbelievable. By the end I found myself sucking on every form of Strepsil available just to save what little voice I had left.
Fast-forwarding to Sunday, once again I was able to attend the Australian MTV Awards. Working with my friend and his media group, I was plonked red carpet-side with microphone in hand, and I got to ask the hard-hitting questions to the world’s superstars. Being a huge starf*cker, I’m like a kid in a candy shop when it comes to mixing it with celebs, so please humour me for a moment while I namedrop my arse off.
I was told I was beautiful by lead singer of Silverchair, Daniel Johns, to which I replied, You say that to all the boys. I shared kisses with all the members of Supernova contestant Toby’s band and found myself in a love rift among the band members, who all wanted a piece of my pie. We agreed to leave it till the after-party. There is enough of me to go round, boys, I told them.
I had a list of questions for super waif Nicole Richie but was told she would refuse questions about drugs or food. I had an up-close-and-personal chat with Pink, who truly amazed me with how beautiful she really is. She was sporting a jewel-encrusted Collette Dinnigan and I was very impressed. I was less impressed by the woman trying to hijack my interview with her, but after a few elbows and a nasty look here and there, I soon settled that. Following the long booze-less night in the media room, I was met by Ms MTV herself, Verushka Darling, and whisked off to the after-party for a well-earned bevy.
Many fabulous people touched me that night and, while they were not looking, I touched them a little bit too. It’s crazy where you may find a drag queen next. Do you think the Logies can handle another showgirl dropping by?
