Why choice is crucial

Rodney Croome – guest columnist

There are fewer things nobler than the idea that same-sex relationships should be equal to their heterosexual equivalents in law and in the estimation of society. However, right now in Australia this noble cause is under threat.

One threat is the Christian lobby, but just as much of an impediment to change is something within the LGBT community that stops us speaking with one voice on this issue.

This splintering force is what I call relationship chauvinism: the belief that one form of recognising same-sex and other significant personal relationships is better than another.

This chauvinism is reinforced by governments that want to spruik their own particular reform model, or attract attention away from the deficiencies of their reform programs.

For example, our gay-marriage-unfriendly Federal Government promotes the recognition of de facto couples as equality, when, in the absence of same-sex marriage, it is not. It endorses registries as a kind of substitute for same-sex marriage when, in fact, they were designed for couples who can’t or don’t wish to marry.

We need to rebuild the relationships debate on a more solid foundation.

At the moment it’s hopping around on one leg called equality.

If it is to stride confidently forward it must have a second leg called choice.

Same-sex couples should not be excluded from marriage but neither should they be forced to access legal entitlements and social respect by swearing lifelong commitment.

Couples should be allowed to have a ceremony if they desire, but should not be forced to make vows if they don’t need to.

Couples should be allowed to register a relationship, but they shouldn’t have to if they are opposed to inviting the government into their relationship.

Couples in sexual relationships should not be wrongly seen as companions, but neither should true companions miss out on legal recognition and protection.

If a legal system which respects these distinctions seems utopian, then take a look at countries like the Netherlands or Canada where it already exists.

In these countries there is a three-tiered system of de facto protection, civil unions and marriage that was built from the ground up in the same way that is currently occurring in Australia.

They are the cornerstones in a greater legal edifice: a system of laws that does not fit our love into preordained boxes, but which respects the choices we make about who and how we love.
Now, that is a truly noble goal.

info: This is an edited version of a speech given by Rodney Croome at the Activating Human Rights Conference in Byron Bay on 4 July 2008.